Holly's Happy Home

grad.doc

Jasmine and I had been best friends since preschool. We considered each other sisters. All of her relatives knew me, and treated me as one of the family, she knew my family too. We had always been obsessed with boys. Both of us always had celeb crushes hanging on our walls, or giggled about all the cute boys in school. We were in our junior year when this story takes place, so let’s rewind to 1999, where I was a junior in high school, and I met the man that I am currently married to, and the struggles and hardships we went through in the beginning.

It all started before the Sadie Hawkins dance. Girls ask the guys, and it’s all very hectic, and really just over-rated. That was the vision I had at the time, and I still have. It’s the biggest dance of the year, and the cheerleaders go with their football player boyfriends, and every girl wishes they could ask the quarterback. But I decided I was just going to ask whoever. I was the girl with the long brown hair, usually pulled back, deep blue eyes, and pretty much just plain. No one really saw me. I was just a girl who went to school in the Clark County School District.

Jasmine would constantly asking me who I was going to ask to the dance. “I don’t even know if I’m going” I told her.
“What! You’re not going! But you love dances! And boys!”
“I know, but no one is going to want to go with me.”
“I’m sure there are PLEANTY of boys who would go with you, you’re gorgeous!”
“No Jasmine, you’re gorgeous. I’m a plain nobody.”
“Alyssa! You are not! You’re my best friend and if someone would turn you down, they would be out of their mind! You’re an awesome person, and you are beautiful. Come on, you could probably get Brad Pitt to go with you.”
“Okay Jasmine. I really don’t know who I’m going to ask, it’s all just way too overrated. I don’t know if I want to go.” She left it at that, and we went to class.

On Tuesday, November 3rd, 1999, I had a spare in the afternoon. I went to the library to see if there were any interesting books. I saw a big thick book called “The Virtues of Love”. It looked interesting, so I took it off the shelf. In the other side there was a guy standing there reading a book, and he looked where the book had been just as I did, and it startled me. I jumped and made a weird startled noise. Then I giggled and apologized. I went to the other side of the book shelf and realized he looked mighty fine! Short brown hair, and slightly styled. He looked like the shy mysterious type. I told him why I was startled. “That’s okay; I’m used to women screaming when they see me. It’s a natural reaction.” I gave him a sarcastic look.
“That’s not why...” I said with a smile. “What’s your name? I don’t know If I’ve seen you before.” I was intrigued.
“Jeremy… I think you’re in my art class… were you the one who painted the horse?” He asked. I blushed.
“Yes. I’m sorry I suck at drawing and crap.” He smiled.
“Alyssa… I’ve seen you around.”
“Oh? Stalking me?” He smiled.
“Yes I am your stalker. I watch you when you sleep.”
“Nice! I’ve always wanted a stalker!”
“Sweet. Like love novels” He asked, looking at my book.
“Yeah, they’re sweet.”
“I like the true tragedy stories. Books about history you know… Schindler, Hitler, Stalin, that kinda stuff.” I smiled.
“Sweet. So… are you going to the Sadie Hawkins dance?”
“Maybe, if someone asks me. Though I don’t like dancing; never have and I probably never will.”
“Oh. Well anyways, I have to check out this book, I have class soon. See you in art.” I smiled as I walked away. I saw him shake his head while smiling. I was slightly confused, wondering what he was thinking. I was very intrigued by this boy.

It was art class, and I decided to paint by Jeremy. He seemed surprised. “Mind if I sit here?” I asked.
“No, go ahead. You going to paint another horse?”
“No. I actually don’t know what I’m gong to draw. What kind of art have you done?”
“Um… my best piece was probably Gerard Way.”
“Oh my God! You drew him! I always wondered that, thought it was amazing!”
“Well thank you.” He said with a smile. I asked him what he was working on.
“Just painting what’s on my mind.” On his paper was the beginning of a heart.
“Love?” I asked.
“I guess so…” He replied. At that moment I knew what to draw. I just hoped I could do his face, and mine, justice. I got to work, trying to hide my drawing and the fact that I was drawing him as we talked about school, friends, music, and pretty much everything under the sun.

I went home after school and just laid on my bed thinking of Jeremy. I heard a knock on my bedroom door. It was Jasmine. “I’m bored.” She said.
“Oh? I’m just thinking about stuff.” I replied
“Like?” I told her exactly what had happened that afternoon. The fact that I really liked this guy couldn’t be hidden. Jasmine was suddenly ecstatic. “So are you going to ask him to the dance?” she asked me.
“I don’t know. He doesn’t like dancing.”
“So? Maybe he’ll go if you seem interested enough. You mentioned he loves music right?”
“Well he plays guitar, and likes the fact that I sing.”
“There you go. Maybe he will, you can even tell him he doesn’t have to dance, just be there and hang out with people.”
“I suppose… maybe I will.” I was hesitant, and would probably wait until the end of the week, so I don’t seem forceful. I mean I barely knew him yet. I didn’t want to scare him away. I got to work, thinking of everything I could do and say to find out everything I could about him, but not being forceful, also telling him things about myself, because he would feel more like he knew me by the end of the week. I had three days.

Wednesday rolled around. I spent a little more time getting ready in the morning. I wore a really cute top, dressed down a bit with jeans. My hair was curled and half pulled back, and I decided to throw in my contacts… and I actually wore makeup.

I got to school and saw him in the hallway putting books in his locker. I made a mental note of where it was. As I walked by, I flashed him a smile and waved. He smiled. And continued talking to who I assumed were his friends. They seemed to joke about what had just happened.

After a long morning it was finally noon. I sat in the cafeteria with Jasmine as usual. I pointed out where he sat, and she told me to go sit by him. “Are you kidding me?” I asked her.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because that would be really awkward; I don’t know him well enough yet. He’s so gorgeous though.”
“Yeah, fine looker.” I saw him glance over at me and smile. He motioned for me to go sit with him, and when I pointed at Jasmine, he nodded. We both got up and moved to his table. “Hey.” I said, “This is my friend Jasmine.”
He replied, “Sweet, this is Gerry, my buddy.”
“Nice. So how’s life?”
“Oh not too bad. Is it just me or was this morning REALLY SLOW!”
“I don’t know. I think the bells are broken. It feels like tomorrow at this time.”
“Yeah… pretty much. I have a question for you.”
“What is it?”
“What are you doing this Friday? Gerry and I were thinking of catching a movie. You and Jasmine wanna come?”
“Depends on what we’re watching. I hate action.”
“I know. You told me yesterday. We’ll watch something we can all enjoy. Some kind of comedy or something.” This was good.
“Umm… Jasmine, wanna go?” I asked her.
“That’d be cool.” She replied.
“Okay. Yeah, we’ll come.”
“Sweet, I’ll walk you home today after art so I know where to pick you up them. Friday at 7:00?”
“Sounds great!” We all continued talking until the bell rang, and traded numbers. I couldn’t wait until Friday!
The week seemed to go slower then that morning, but I managed to talk to Jeremy quite a bit. I knew him pretty well by Friday, and he had walked me home every day. On Friday when we got to my door he hugged me goodbye smiled and said he couldn’t wait until 7:00. Then he winked at me! I was so happy. I fell into the house and ran upstairs. I was spending a LOT of time on my looks tonight. I had to look perfect!

The doorbell rang at 7:00 sharp. I was on the couch watching TV. I got up and answered the door and Jeremy was standing there with a mixed tape he handed to me. I looked at him funny. “I made this for you. You said you like romance stuff, and you mentioned you love music. I thought this would be perfect for you.” I smiled. He turned around to leave and motioned for me to come. I crawled in the back and directed him to Jasmines house. She was already sitting in the front step.

The movie was great! After that we grabbed a 9:30 burger and dropped off Gerry and Jasmine as me and Jeremy just cruised around for a while listening to the mixed tape. We had a great time just cruising around and talking about everything. Eventually he dropped me off at home. I sat in his car for a moment before I turned to him. “I have a question to ask you.” I said at last.
“What is it?” He asked.
“Do you want to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me?”
“Well, I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t ask. I mean, I really like you, and I would go… but I really hate dancing, and I swore to myself I never would. My last girlfriend actually broke up with me because of it. I know it’s not the best thing, but I refuse to. I’m sorry.” I sighed.
“That’s fine. I’ll find someone else I guess.” I really was disappointed as I got out of the car. I was really hoping he would actually go with me. I didn’t know what I was going to do now.

Monday rolled around and things were kind of awkward when I saw Jeremy. I didn’t really know what to do, so I just walked by him. Eventually that day I just asked my friend Kyle if he’d come to the dance with me. He said he didn’t want to go, but he would if I wanted him to. What a nice guy.

Things were hectic for the next two weeks. With dance plans, school work and awkwardness between me and Jeremy. The weeks went by so quickly and before I knew it, it was the night of the dance. Kyle picked me up at 8:30 and brought me to the dance. We had a blast on the way there. Kyle is my best guy friend, and he’s so funny. When I got there Kyle found some friends and just started talking to them, so I went and danced with Jasmine, because she came with a guy friend also. We were dancing really stupid doing all the actions to the YMCA when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and was absolutely shocked. It was Jeremy. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Well, I figured you’d be here. Even thought you said you didn’t want to come at first, I still knew you’d show up. I didn’t want to come but I’ve been thinking about it for the last few weeks, and I couldn’t let the opportunity pass me by. Do you still have a dance saved for me?” I smiled.
“I thought you swore to yourself you’d never dance.”
“You’re more important then promise to myself. I feel something when I think of you. You actually mean something to me. I dunno, it’s weird. So, wanna dance?”
“Sure. I just have to finish the YMCA.” I said with a smile. Jasmine and I finished, and the perfect slow dance song came on. “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” by Aerosmith. He was a REALLY good dancer.
“Why do you hate dancing? You’re really good.”
“Thanks. I just don’t enjoy it that much. My mom taught me because she’s obsessed. There was me, my brother and sister being forced by my mother to dance around the living room when I was like 10. It was horrible.” I giggled.
“I don’t understand how you don’t like this, it’s just relaxing, and feels… right.”
“Well, I don’t mind this. With you it does seem right. You’re beautiful, you know that right?”
“I do now.”
“So… would you by any chance… want to be with me?”
And that was that. I accepted, and three years later we got married.

I still feel his touch upon my hips
I can still taste his kiss on my lips
I miss the love and all he gave me
I will never forget the day he set me free

I cannot describe the feelings I felt
Every time I saw him I would feel myself melt
I miss him so much, always on my mind
I will never stop searching until it’s him I find

I lay in bed at night, and all I do is cry
I sometimes think maybe I should just get high
Great idea, forget the pain
But when that goes away, I hurt again

He will never see these tears I cry
I’ll remember it all until the day I die
I can’t believe I said goodbye
All this pain over one guy?

He doesn’t know how I feel
I wish this life wasn’t real
I want things to be the way they were before
Before, when I was the one he would adore

I love him and miss him and want him always
My heart has turned into a burning blaze
I did something stupid, and I was so wrong
All I want him to know is that I loved him all along

His touch, his kiss, that’s not what I miss
It’s that passionate love I hope to God… still exists
All I want, all I need, he has the power
The power to love me, or make this my final hour

I can’t take the pain
My heart I will drain
The whiskey is getting low
I’m forgetting all I know

The things I forget is everything I learned
The only thing I can remember is why the alcohol has returned
My life is being wasted because of one choice
Lust over love, I cannot hear my voice

I can’t believe I let him go
Now I’m taking the final blow
One more drink and the pain will be gone
Maybe I’ll save it for later; I’ll get up and move on.